I was recently talking with a training participant who shared about his work with a client who is really struggling with depression and motivation.
He said, “I’m just trying to get him out of that hole! I keep telling him what to do and cheering him along, it’s just not working!”
His frustration was building with this client, as he got more desperate in his attempts to help.
This is a great metaphor for us to play with!
We can get absolutely worn out trying to help people out of holes.
This metaphor continued in the training conversation, as another participant chimed, in, “I know! I have a client I keep pulling out of the hole, and he keeps falling back in it again!”
It’s so hard to work with people who are stuck in holes, and we want to help them so badly! (That’s why we are in this helping profession, to HELP people out of stuck places!)
What is the Motivational Interviewing approach to this dilemma?
The MI approach is to be with them in partnership and collaboration. We sit next to them, with compassion, patience, and curiosity, and explore what it’s like being in that hole, & why might they want to climb out.
We evoke. What might help them get out of that hole? What do they need from us, other people, or what resources might they want in order to begin to climb out of the stuck place?
We cannot make a business of being hole puller-outers! We’ll break our backs in the process!
And, pulling them out of a hole doesn’t tend to create longevity of change for our clients. Plus, they may keep coming back to us to do it for them, while what we are striving to do is connect them with their inner strengths and abilities, and cultivate their ability to change.
(Of note: This is not to say that it’s always ‘wrong’ to help people out of holes altogether. I often invite people to take a step back and assess for yourself- is what you are doing working or not working? Helpful or not-so-helpful? Only you and your client can answer that!)
Motivational Interviewing Tip of the Week: In what areas are you efforting to pull or push people around change? Trying to save? I invite you to consider how to sit ‘with’ your stuck clients in the spirit of collaboration and curiosity, & get curious together to explore their motivation for change.
