Why take a break with advice-giving & fixing?

What’s wrong with jumping in with your ideas, and fixing something when someone has a problem?

Let’s start with an important term and definition. Motivational Interviewing has named this ‘fixing’ behavior our Righting Reflex. Not, “I’m right and you are wrong,” but the Righting Reflex is about our natural reflex to “right”/ correct/ or fix problems for others.

I can feel the Righting Reflex in my body, something that lurches me forward to quickly fix problems.

It’s hard to withhold. I almost need to sit on my hands or bite my tongue!

But what’s wrong with the Righting Reflex? It certainly comes from a good place, right? We WANT to help.

Let’s look at an example, provided by Steven Rollnick.

Consider a child working on a puzzle. Perhaps a parent comes over and says to the child, “This piece doesn’t go there, it goes here!”

A problem is seen, and the problem is solved for the person.

The problem is, fixing it for them inhibits the child from solving the problem for themselves.

You can see how the Righting Reflex applies in the helping profession. We see a problem, and we move in to solve it.

But there are downsides.

Downsides to our Righting Reflex taking over include:

• Our client may feel disempowered
• The relationship gets set up as one of “help me,” and we respond with, “I’ll fix it for you.”
• The burden of change lies with the person trying to fix the problem, coming up with the solutions, and motivating change (how exhausting!)
• It can lead to poor outcomes, as clients seek others to help or fix rather than learning to connect to their own inner motivation and capacity for change.

So, our very well-intentioned Righting Reflex in fact sometimes works against what we are striving to do: to support our clients in learning how to solve problems for themselves!

Caveat: This is not to say that fixing or giving advice is always a bad thing! No way! I encourage you to be an observer, and notice the outcomes of when you do (or don’t) withhold your reflex to give advice.

Motivational Interviewing Tip of the Week:
When you feel the instinct to jump in and solve a problem for someone else, practice sitting back, taking a PAUSE, and considering, “I wonder how I can help this person explore how they might address this issue.” Perhaps you can reflect their dilemma to them, or ask an evocative question about their thoughts on the issue! Watch my full video here!