When in Doubt, REFLECT: Reflective Listening & Motivational Interviewing
I was recently working with someone who was at one of those “fork in the road” moments in their life. I was getting really worked up (in my head), concerned because I didn’t know which choice that person should make. This was a big decision, there were repercussions on both sides. How can I help them? What should I say?
My shoulders were all hunched up, & my body tense. I was feeling despair over not knowing which direction to guide this client.
A mentor once said to me, “You don’t need to know, that is for the client to know.”
Big-Sigh-of-Relief. That’s right. I don’t need to know which direction to guide clients. But I can be with them while they figure it out.
Motivational Interviewing reminds me that within each person lies innate wisdom and knowing. My job is to partner WITH them as they find their way toward change & evoke THEIR motivation, ideas, & plans.
How easy it is to forget that the person sitting across from me holds key wisdom, knowledge, ideas & expertise. I don’t have to hold it all. I’m a MI trainer and I STILL get caught up in the role of thinking I need to come up with the ideas or know what’s best for others!
So rather than trying to come up with a direction to guide them, the perfect question to ask, the best piece of advice to give… provide a reflection instead!
I like to say, “When in doubt, reflect!”
Reflections are the most commonly used skill in Motivational Interviewing. We reflect more than anything else! It helps us listen deeply to what the client is telling us, and helps them hear their own thoughts and wisdom. It also keeps us out of the Fixing Reflex!
Motivational Interviewing Tip of the Week: If you find yourself trying to decide what is best for your client, I invite you to sit back and remember to let your client hold on to that task. How can you be a partner to them as they figure it out? Center yourself in the moment, and listen to what they are telling you. If you aren’t sure what to say, provide a reflection of what you hear!
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Hi, I’m Hillary Bolter. At MI Center for Change, Motivational Interviewing is our passion. Motivational Interviewing will help you become more effective and efficient as you support clients’ change!
