When in Doubt, REFLECT!

Training participants often name the helpfulness of practicing reflective listening. It reminds us to sit back, drop our shoulders, and just listen! It pulls us out of problem-solving, persuading, and arguing for change.

When YOU are getting pulled into trying to change a client, Motivational Interviewing reminds us to sit back and reflect.

The OARS skills of Motivational Interviewing stand for Open questions, Affirmations, Reflections, and Summaries. They are the microskills we use to guide conversation. 

Reflections are the most commonly used OARS skill in MI!

If you have attended my training, you have heard me say, “When in doubt, REFLECT!”

It sounds so simple! But that dang Righting Reflex entangles us time and time again (you know, the reflex you have to tell people what to do and how to do it). So we find ourselves arguing for change, our clients argue against it, and there we are, wrestling again. 

Wrestling makes us tired, frustrated, and we usually don’t win anyways.

But there is a solution!

Sit back, stop trying to solve a problem or make something happen.

Reflect, and watch client engagement bloom.

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve felt stuck with a client, fallen back to just reflecting, and then the client leans forward, locks eyes with me, and says “EXACTLY.” And I know it’s on.

In Motivational Interviewing, we name both Simple Reflections & Complex Reflections. A simple reflection is a same-level restatement of what the client said. A complex reflection adds meaning or emphasis to what the client has said. Complex reflections bring the conversation deeper, as we reflect what the client means but has not yet said. 

If your client says, “I don’t feel like my partner listens to me.”

You reflect (simple), “You want your client to listen better.”

Or… you reflect (complex), “Being understood is important to you,” “You long for more connection with them,” or “You aren’t sure how to capture their attention.”

Carl Rogers brought us the art of reflective listening. And good reflective listening IS an art! It takes practice!

Motivational Interviewing Tip of the Week: I invite you to practice reflective listening this week! When in doubt, reflect! You can offer a simple restatement of what your client has said, or a more complex guess as you reflect what you think is beneath the surface of what your client has said. 

Watch my full video here!