What About When Our Clients Judge Us? How can Motivational Interviewing help?
People judge each other all the time. Judgment is about having an opinion, and we all have opinions!
A key component to maintaining the spirit of MI is the ability to suspend our judgment about our clients’ choices so that we can better foster connection and engagement.
But what about when our clients judge us?
I had a participant in one of my training sessions share a story about a client who, at the very beginning of their conversation asked, “How are you, with your nice job and degree, going to help me?”
This client came in with preconceived notions and judgments.
So what was going on with him?
What was underneath that comment?
Perhaps he believed that he was going to be judged as less than in some way. Perhaps his fight or flight response was triggered by this thought.
Fight/flight/freeze response can be activated not only when we feel threatened physically, but also emotionally.
When we experience a sense of threat to our self-worth, autonomy, or sense of justice, we can get triggered! A common reaction can be defensiveness.
What can we do to help to shift this dynamic?
Reflections, of course!
We can reflect what a client says, or what is going on between you and the client.
Complex reflections such as, “ You’re unsure about me,” or, “You’re wondering if I’m someone you can relate to.” Perhaps, “You’re unsure if I can help you because I have different experiences than you.” Reflections like these help a client feel heard and understood, and this can help calm those strong emotions.
When emotions are calm, then clearer thinking can happen and there is room to begin forming a more positive relationship.
MI Tip of the Week: When a client makes a comment of judgment, use complex reflections on the interaction to voice what may be going on beneath the surface. This may help build connection, and shift the conversation to a more positive path.
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Hi, I’m Hillary Bolter. At MI Center for Change, Motivational Interviewing is our passion. Motivational Interviewing will help you become more effective and efficient as you support clients’ change!
