Underlying messages of Reflective Listening

Have you ever gone to a friend with a dilemma, and they in turn give you advice, or talk about their own experience with a similar dilemma?

Maybe that advice or perspective was just what you needed. 

Or maybe, you really just needed the space to talk it out and be heard.

Reflective listening provides us with a container for that space. 

Complex reflections say to the client (or our friend), ‘I am listening to you, I care about what you are saying, and I want to know more.’”

I am listening to you.

I care about what you are saying.

I want to learn more.

It feels SO very good when we receive these underlying messages! It makes us want to share more, go deeper. It fosters connection & engagement. And we are wired for connection.

I was talking with an office mate the other day about a dilemma I was going through, and she reflected, “You are yearning for some fun and play.” 

It nearly took the breath out of me, because although I didn’t say a word about a need for more play, she picked up on my underlying yearning. Plus, I left the conversation curious about how I could add in more fun and play! (It increased my motivation!)

I worked with veterans for nearly a decade, many of whom struggled with PTSD. 

Isolation was a big challenge. Sharing about struggles and trauma was foreign. What’s the point? I can handle it. I’ll take care of it myself.

A mentor of mine used to say, “We don’t heal alone, we heal in relationship with others.” 

There is magic that happens when we are talking with someone who is truly listening, who cares about what we have to say, and is curious to learn more.

Good, empathetic reflective listening can really support connection, especially in working with people impacted by trauma.

Motivational Interviewing can bring the magic of connection to a relationship, and set the stage for healing or change to occur. We heal and we change when we feel the support and care within relationships.

When we are being listened to, deeply. 

Motivational Interviewing Tip of the Week: MI has many techniques, but is about so much more than techniques! Consider the implicit messages you relay through reflective listening. As you challenge yourself with complex reflection practice, you are listening beneath the surface and reflecting that back. You are saying, I am listening to you, I care what you are saying, and I want to learn more. 

Ready to get more complex with your reflective listening? I have a FREE complex reflection handout for ya! Check it out here! 

Watch my full video here!