Ted Lasso has a lesson for us! Ted and Motivational Interviewing: Relationship over Outcome

I invite you to think about a sports metaphor for a moment. 

If you are a coach, and your focus is totally on the outcomes of scoring and winning, what do your relationships look like with your athletes? 

And if you are relationally focused? Ted Lasso has taught us a bit on this front! When you focus on getting to know your athletes, eliciting and celebrating their strengths, supporting them in striving in the directions they want to grow, focus on the relationships within the team & and the process of learning how they best learn, well then… good outcomes will follow! 

We are too focused on the outcome!

I know, I know, we live in such an outcome-driven era! 

I’m here to add to Ted Lasso’s focus on being relationally driven!

I write this knowing full well how hard this is to do. I’m still going to give it a go! 

But here are some problems being outcome-driven can generate:

1. The client knows we are pushing for something. They feel it. And when YOU know someone is trying to get you to do something, what naturally happens? Usually, you either push back against that change more or give in to make a short-term change to please the other. No good. 
2. The relationship suffers. Clients feel the transactional nature of the interaction. Do you change when someone isn’t present with you in the relationship, but rather focuses on the transaction? We change in the context of nurturing, supportive relationships. We are wired for connection.

When we get mechanical and outcome-driven, we lose the heart of the work.

So what do we do? 

The principles of Motivational Interviewing help us shift the focus to the relationship!

And there is a lot of data that supports that THIS is evidence-based! 

Here are some tips:

• Focus the relationship- the engagement & connection! 
• Be present!
• Reflective listening is a great tool to demonstrate empathy and engagement! People feel heard and understood when you reflect. 
• Be affirming! Look for genuine opportunities to highlight their strengths and efforts.
• Practice evoking! Elicit from them THEIR motivation for change and ideas on how to go about doing it.
• Don’t get ahead of your client’s readiness! Stay with them in the process, or even a half step behind.
• TRUST that your clients have wisdom, strengths and ideas. Listen for them, draw them forth, reflect them.

When we are focused on these things, the process and relationship rather than outcome, the change often takes care of itself. 

For a more in-depth dive on this topic, check out the Motivational Interviewing and Beyond episode on Mentoring, Coaching and Motivational Interviewing here. 

Also, this is what my 1-hr course, YOU Are the Cake, is all about. Check it out if you haven’t yet!

Motivational Interviewing Tip of the Week: Stop focusing on the outcome! Focus on the process & the relationship! A quote from the amazing Maya Angelou, “People will forget what you said….but people will never forget how you made them feel.”

Watch my full video here!