Stop Persuading Clients to Change! Another shadow of the Righting Reflex in Motivational Interviewing

It is so hard to stop persuading people to change.

I find it ESPECIALLY challenging with those closest to me- my children and husband! Just eat your darn veggies! They are good for you!

It does seem the more invested in the outcome, the harder it is to withhold that Righting Reflex. 

Another element of the Righting Reflex lies in persuasion. (To read more on the Righting Reflex, check out last weeks’ post here).

It is instinctual when presented with a dilemma to want to fix it, give advice, or persuade the other person to do something about it.

The problem with persuasion lies in the natural human tendency to OPPOSE being told what to do. 

Especially when there is ambivalence!

Let’s talk about psychological reactance. 

Psycho what?!

Psychological reactance is the normal human tendency to NOT do what you are told to do. 

(Or even do the opposite. This is really easy for me to picture when it comes to my kids! “Eat your veggies!” “Heck NO! I don’t want to! Where’s the ice cream!?”)

The expected outcome, when you give someone advice, is for someone to NOT do it, or even do the opposite, even if they agree with you.

So actually when you tell someone what to do, you might be actually achieving the opposite of what you want.

They push against the change.

Downsides to persuasion:

-Your client may become more defensive, and even argue against the change (psychological reactance baby!)

-Your client may feel disrespected, not listened to, not heard, not understood

-Your client may feel you are acting better than them (There is an inherent power differential in person persuading vs. person being persuaded- the underlying message here is “I know better than you.”)

-Your client may withdraw, stop listening to you, shut down, or even not come back (I can often get these cues in nonverbal communication from clients)

(A caveat! Persuasion and advice sometimes DOES work! Sometimes it’s necessary! And that’s great if it works! There are times in my life when someone effectively persuaded me to change or I took their advice wholeheartedly. However, there are far more times when I did not respond to advice well! Statistically, only a small percentage of people initiate change by persuasion or advice- and many won’t stick with the change. When persuasion does work, we get the intermittent positive reinforcement that pulls us back to doing it more…plus it feels good to have the solutions to someone else’s problem! –and the cycle continues!)

Motivational Interviewing Tip of the Week: Notice when you have the reflex to persuade someone to do something or make a change. If you fall into this reflex, observe their response. Was it helpful to the client? Or did their resistance to change increase? Did they placate you or shut down? Instead of persuading, try an open-ended question that elicits their thoughts on change. “What might be helpful to you in making this change?” Reflex their response. 

Watch my full video here!