Lock in Empathy!

What does empathy have to do with it? 

Motivational Interviewing is all about empathy! 

You can have empathy without Motivational Interviewing, but you can’t have Motivational Interviewing without empathy!

I’m a parent, and as a practitioner and trainer in Motivational Interviewing, I see tons of crossover in the parenting and MI worlds. 

A few years back, I attended a parent educational workshop in the widely popular Love and Logic method. The trainer was talking about how important practicing empathy is with your kiddos. 

She said the very first step in ANY kid interaction is to “Lock In Empathy.” 

Lock in Empathy.

It’s a brilliant slogan. A little (or big) brain isn’t likely to hear what I have to say if I haven’t first been listening to them.

And Motivational Interviewing is all about deep, intentional listening. 

How do we practice empathy?

Consider what feelings that little (or big) human in front of you might be feeling, and reflect that back to them with compassion. 

“Sweetie, you feel like you haven’t had enough screen time today and you want more right now!” 

“Sweet girl, you really, really, really wanted your sister’s slime so much you forgot we don’t hurt each other.”

This Love and Logic teacher reminded us that when a child feels our empathy, their little brains can shift out of intensity and irrationality back into the “whole brain.” (“Whole-brain” is a Dan Siegel term that refers to when we are able to engage our prefrontal cortex and have a rational conversation). 

It occurred to me this is one of the things that is happening when we are using empathy with clients.

The brain senses that someone is trying to understand and meet them, and it creates a felt sense of safety in the relationship.

The brain is soothed. Without that, we can’t expect that their brain would allow us to go deeper into a topic. The brain has to sense safety to share vulnerability. And you can bet vulnerability comes up when folks are exploring change.

Lock in empathy.

Motivational Interviewing Tip of the Week: I invite you to play around with empathy this week. When you interact with folks, whether a colleague, friend, or family member, hone in your empathy radar, listen deeply, and reflect. Drop your agenda in the conversation, and reflect. Let me know how it goes!!

Watch my full video here!