It’s Not Your Job To Fix Anyone

Many of you will spend time with family, extended family & friends over the holidays and my guess is that you will spend time with folks you love that also make decisions that you don’t always love…

So just a reminder: It’s not your job to fix anyone!

(You can’t fix people anyway! And usually they don’t like it when you try!)

Yes, it is natural to want to fix.

It is natural to see people behaving in ways that are puzzling to us, or frustrating, or even damaging, and we want to do something about it.

It’s natural to want to get in there and problem-solve, persuade, argue for change, & try to change perspectives.

But people aren’t problems to fix. They are people who have problems, and they get to decide if they want to fix or change those things!

Motivational Interviewing honors individual autonomy and choice. It reminds us that we aren’t responsible for other people. It’s not our job to fix or change folks.

Now feel your shoulders drop, and watch how your relationships shift as you stop trying to fix or change, and shift into Motivational Interviewing practice of acceptance.

Acceptance in Motivational Interviewing means:

• Honoring and supporting autonomy and choice
• Empathy and deep listening
• Empowering that individual to make the changes they want to make
• Not wrestling or persuading when they don’t change (ambivalence is normal)
• Affirming their strengths & abilities

Personally, acceptance is the hardest of the MI spirit elements. It’s hard to truly drop my agenda or need for another person to change. It also means that I have to feel my own feels about that other person’s lack of readiness to change!

Rather than focus on changing or fixing others, perhaps give yourself the space you need to feel your feels, and focus on the one person you can change — yourself! 😉

(Caveat…if you are a parent, this gets murky! Check out our free MI Learning Library for resources on MI for parents! Another caveat… if someone is harming you or themselves, acceptance is likely not the best route! This is when boundaries and self-protection are important!)

Motivational Interviewing Tip of the Week: The good news about Motivational Interviewing is that it gives us tools to evoke change rather than try to fix or problem solve. When we naturally feel ourselves pulled to try to persuade, fix or change others, remember to reground into acceptance. Invite yourself to honor their autonomy and choice, even if it’s just temporarily practicing acceptance of whom that person is, and where they are at this moment.