Sometimes, I just gotta acknowledge that my own grief is getting in my way of helping other people change.
I’m not talking about grief related to the losses happening in clients lives, like the more obvious events & losses. Those are hard too!
I’m talking about grief related to the loss of what I want for that person.
The change that could be. The life I think they could have IF ONLY THEY….
Grief can be present when we are struggling with releasing what we wish were better or different.
And sometimes, when I can’t let go of that, my Righting Reflex kicks in, and I take over trying to persuade or force change.
Having hope and aspirations for our clients is normal, and in fact, research shows that having hope impacts positive client outcomes.
But when I get tied up in what I think or want that change to look like, or when I wish it would happen (LIKE NOW ALREADY!), I have tightened my grip on something that is not mine to hold.
And the tighter I grip, the more skewed it can become.
When I surrender to what is, it allows the space to open up for me to join with clients, to release the burden of needing to know or get them to some arrival place on some timeline…and paradoxically can open up the doors for them to change.
Motivational Interviewing calls this Acceptance, and it’s an important element of the spirit of the work we do with clients.
Motivational Interviewing Tip of the Week: With my clients, what am I struggling with accepting? What might I need to grieve? How can I acknowledge and release what I cannot change? Falling back on the Spirit of MI (acceptance, supporting autonomy, practicing empathy) and reflective listening can help me join with them and release unhelpful expectations.
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