One day when I was driving to work, I heard a snippet from the podcast Hidden Brain on NPR.
The research question addressed was, “Do we have more or less empathy when we have had the same or similar experience as another?”
The answer surprised me.
We tend to have LESS empathy when we have gone through a similar experience as another.
Think about it. If we have had a similar experience as our client, we have our own story playing in our heads about how we coped, what helped, & how we got through. We pretty quickly have ideas for what will work for that person, what they should do, and how they too can get through.
Our personal experience makes us LESS curious about our clients’ experience.
Take the example of a caseworker working with a woman in a domestic violence relationship. The caseworker shared that once, she had a personal relationship turn violent. “I was out of there so fast!” she said. Her frustration with the client, who was staying in the abusive relationship, was evident. “I left, she should leave too!” she shared about her thought process.
The caseworker was aware of how her own experience was getting in the way of having empathy for that client. I share more about this in my YouTube video about it.
Motivational Interviewing Tip of the Week: When you connect with a client because of a similar experience, remember to check yourself! How can you acknowledge your experience as real and valid, AND remain curious about your clients’ experience in this moment? We can never truly know what another person is experiencing. Stay curious! The moment we ‘think we know,’ we may be making assumptions that will get in the way of true empathy!
