Considerations on how MI applies with family over the holidays
The holidays are nearly here. How can Motivational Interviewing help us with family relationships? What about friends?
How many times are you talking with your kids, partner, friends or other family members and feel that itching need to give advice or persuade them to do something?
In Motivational Interviewing, the “Fixing Reflex” refers to our natural tendency to give advice, persuade or convince another person to change.
Michael Bungay Stanier calls it our Advice Monster! I love it!
When someone is struggling with a dilemma, my Advice Monster wakes up and jumps in with lots of ideas for them!
I came across Michael’s podcast interview on Brene Brown’s Dare to Lead podcast with author Michael Bungay Stanier. He’s the author of The Advice Trap: Be Humble, Stay Curious, and Change the Way You Lead Forever, as well as a couple of other books.
Stanier echos much of what we talk about in Motivational Interviewing related to the Fixing Reflex (but he’s not writing about MI).
We tend to jump into advice giving because it’s natural to do when someone expresses a dilemma, we care & we want to help! It comes from a good place!
But…
- We might be solving the wrong problem
- Our advice isn’t as good as we think it is (we have so many cognitive biases…)
- There can be a negative impact on the other person when we take over by giving advice
What is more helpful is to hold the space for them to figure it out. Practice your good listening skills! Tame your inner advice monster (AKA Fixing Reflex), and get curious about their dilemma. Try applying some MI skills -ask open-ended questions, reflect to them what they are saying, and support their autonomy and choice!
Here is the link to the full podcast if you’d like to listen!
And here is his 14 min TED X talk on it!
Some resources for you this holiday season!
- MINT member Dr. Emily Kline has created a free online orientation to applications of Motivational interviewing with families!
- MINT member Jennifer Ollis Blomqvist has also written a book on MI with your teens.
Motivational Interviewing Tip of the Week: When you notice that itch to jump in, and your Advice Monster awakens, see if that monster is willing to step back for just a bit. Get curious with your client (or friend or family member!), and elicit their thoughts and ideas first. There is a place for advice, but only after we get curious, learn more, and see if they can come to it on their own! Then, they feel that awesome sense of empowerment as they determine the best course of action!
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