We all have those moments when we’re talking to someone who is telling you about a struggle or challenge, and you think to yourself, “I know what will help. I have a great idea for you! I’ve had other people deal with this same issue and I can tell you what helped them.”
When we believe that we can offer someone a solution, we want to share it. This desire comes from a caring place; we want to help them feel better!
In Motivational Interviewing, this experience of wanting to offer a solution is called the Righting Reflex, and it can be VERY hard to resist.
MI tells us that when we feel this pull to “fix it,” we need to stop and instead ask, “What do you think will help your situation?” Or, “What ideas have you come up with so far?”
These open-ended questions help individuals think more deeply about where to go from here.
Evoking helps them come up with their own solutions and feel more confident in knowing how to move forward. And, it helps us know how far along they are in their problem-solving process.
But my ideas could really help! Why can’t I share them! What’s so wrong with giving advice?
There’s nothing wrong with giving advice! The problem can come when the advice is unsolicited, or what we share are things that have already been thought of by the person and deemed to be unhelpful.
This can lead to frustration and disengagement. There’s one very important step that we shouldn’t skip…
Ask permission first!
This simple step of asking “I have an idea; would you like to hear it?” or “Would you like me to share some thoughts about what’s been helpful to others in this situation?” Asking permission can make all the difference in how it’s received!
You now have given them a choice (99.9% of the time, the answer is “yes, tell me.”), and now they are more open to hearing what you have to say versus you giving them unsolicited advice.
Motivational Interviewing Tip of the Week: Before offering advice, suggestions, or ideas to help someone with a concern…Ask permission first!
P.S. It especially works great with teenagers!!
