Ask-Offer-Ask Motivational Interviewing example in a convo with my teen when she pierced her bellybutton with a safety pin!

Ask-Offer-Ask is a Motivational Interviewing tool that is used when exchanging information or advice. The goal is to support client choice and autonomy as we first evoke their knowledge and thoughts on something before imparting ours!

So, when my daughter pierced her belly button with a safety pin, I had the opportunity to sidestep the power struggle and see if I could cultivate some of her concerns about her choice!

Honestly, on the inside, I was freaking out and had a lot of judgment, anger, and worry. I wanted to come down on her and punish her for what she did. But, I didn’t want to miss an opportunity to help her think more critically about her decisions, and learn from the consequences of her actions! 

Ask:

So first, I asked questions. I asked about what she did to prevent infection, what she knew about metals and germs and infection. 

Offer:

Then, I offered the chance to look up belly button infection sign and symptoms together. After a rather graphic google dive, it was time to move on to the final

Ask:

I asked her what her thoughts were on all of this, and what she wanted to do about it. She made a plan to keep the area clean, watch for signs of infection , and take it out immediately if she saw any signs. She was a little freaked out from the Google images and didn’t want to go there!

She was expecting me to disapprove, and was ready to argue with my logic and push back with her own. I also knew that if I had a big reaction, then my reaction would become the focus of our interaction, rather than keeping it about her choice. This is a learning opportunity for her. I didn’t want to make it about pushing against me, my values, and my reaction. 

I did create the space to listen to her, honor her autonomy, express my concerns, and create a collaborative plan (She agreed to watch for infection and help her learn about how piercings are done right.)

P.S. Two days later, she noticed signs of infection and took it out herself, coming to me for help with topical treatments. I can’t help but think that if I’d dug in about this terrible decision she made, she would have dug in herself about refusing to take it out, or NOT come to me with infection issues.

MI Tip of the Week: Through Ask-Offer-Ask, we can keep supporting client choice and help them own their dilemma, while also sharing information or concerns! Remember, we want our clients (or family members) to own the problem, & engage in critical thinking about their options. Ultimately, we want to offer up a relationship that is collaborative and empathetic, as well as supporting their choices!

Watch my full video here!