Could you use a little self compassion right now?
I know I could. These are some challenging times!
I turn to the spirit of Motivational Interviewing to be the foundation of the attitude I bring to my clients. But until recently, I hadn’t considered how helpful it may be to turn that attitude toward myself.
The spirit of Motivational Interviewing is the confluence of these four elements: Compassion, Acceptance, Partnership & Evocation
When I embody the spirit of Compassion with clients, I’m always taking into consideration what is in their best interest. If I’m toying around with this concept of using Motivational Interviewing with myself, I consider self-compassion. Am I making choices that are in my best interest? Am I taking care of me? Am I being kind and gentle with myself? (Um, hello, it’s a global PANDEMIC folks). We seem to have an instinct to motivate ourselves with criticism (the old carrot & stick metaphor), but research has shown that self-compassion is an essential ingredient to motivation and change.
Self-compassion is fuel for change. I have really enjoyed learning more about the work of Dr. Kristin Neff, who has done loads of research on the topic. You can check out her famous TED talk here.
I invite you to take a moment, a breath, and invite in some gentleness with yourself.
When I bring the spirit of Acceptance to clients, this includes the concepts of absolute worth (each person has value AND the potential to become more), autonomy (people must make their own decisions about their life and direction), accurate empathy (understanding the world from their perspective) and affirmation (connecting to underlying strengths and resources to believe change is possible). So self-Acceptance? Can I connect to where I am right now, with all of the context that surrounds me, and acknowledge that perhaps I am doing the best I can right now?
I invite you to take a moment, a breath, and invite acceptance of where you are right now.
The attitude of Partnership means that although as a helping professional, I have expertise and wisdom, it is the client who knows themselves best. They are the experts in their lives. So together, as partners, we can explore change. So what about self-partnership? Perhaps acknowledging that I have inner wisdom that I can tap into? Inner resources?
I invite you to take a moment, a breath, and acknowledge your inner wisdom.
And finally, the Motivational Interviewing spirit element of Evocation. When I am helping others, I value deeply their reasons for change and their ideas about how best to change. I remain curious about these things, and explore ways to draw these out (while withholding my reflex to fix!). Self-evocation? Perhaps taking a moment to tune in and connect more deeply to my Why. To my How. (I created this cool change plan you can use with yourself if you want!)
I invite you to take a moment, a breath, and connect to your Why.
You are doing good work. You are doing important work. Go easy on yourself.
Sincerely,
Hillary Bolter, MSW, LCSW, LCAS
Member, Motivational Interviewing Network of Trainers
