Acceptance Is an Inside Job

Do you sometimes struggle with accepting a client?

What about when they are making ‘poor’ choices? What about when they do or have done things that you find hard to accept? What about when their values differ vastly from yours?

Today I’m doing a brief deep dive into the concept and practice of acceptance! Sorry to burst your bubble, but acceptance does not need to be reliant on what your client is or isn’t doing. It’s an inside job: yours! 

The Motivational Interviewing spirit has four elements: Acceptance, Compassion, Partnership and Evocation.

What does it truly mean to practice acceptance with our clients?

Well, it does not mean agreeing with or condoning their choices. But could it be, as one recent training participant described, “Cherishing the divine within?” 

Where can you begin with acceptance? Accepting and supporting the autonomy of our clients is one place to start, because, you know, they CAN make their own choices. 

Acceptance has both an internal experience and external expression.

Inside of you, what is your personal internal experience of acceptance of a client? What do you notice about your thoughts, sensations in your body, urges?

Externally, how do you express acceptance of your client? Perhaps through an affirmation, or recognizing a positive intent behind a behavior. Perhaps through your warmth, or statements to support and empower them.

Here are some tips for increasing your acceptance!

• Practice self-acceptance. It’s hard to practice accepting parts of a client when we are denying or not accepting parts of us. 
• Practice mindfulness! Be aware of your thoughts, feeling and sensations as you sit with a client. What information is that giving you? Start with acceptance of your internal experience.
• Look for something you can genuinely affirm about your client. What efforts are they making? What strengths are evident? What are the positive intentions behind their actions? 

Acceptance actually facilitates change. It feels a bit counterintuitive, especially as I struggle with parenting teen and pre-teen girls. But once I accept something they are experiencing, it allows them to explore that for themselves. Then, they can learn from their own experience rather than reacting to mine. When we provide a container for positive regard and acceptance of our clients, they can better experience, wrestle with and make their own choices.

I was in a yoga class today, and the instructor ended with, “The light inside of me honors the light inside of you.”

I believe we can find many things that we can accept and even cherish within our clients. We all have a light!

Motivational Interviewing Tip of the Week: When we practice acceptance, we are also supporting their autonomy and choice. When we practice acceptance, we release the pressure of needing a client to be doing a certain thing. We accept them for who they are, where they are, and begin by meeting them there.

Watch my full video here!