Is Help the Sunny Side of Control?

What an opportunity to invite ourselves into asking ourselves just what outcome we are seeking when we ‘help’ another person.

“Help is the Sunny Side of Control”

What a provocative statement! And, one that invites us to think more deeply about our intentions when we are trying to help.

If I am trying to help someone, am I trying to control or get a particular outcome? If so, I need to hit pause and check myself!

Motivational Interviewing is supposed to be about the growth and change of the other person! That may not necessarily be the outcome we want for them.

Take the example of working with someone struggling with substance misuse. You may want them to move toward abstinence, and see 12-step groups as the best way to achieve that. Help as control might look like directing or guiding them toward the outcome you want and the way to get there.

In Motivational Interviewing, we are exploring the change and growth our clients want to make. That means eliciting and exploring what they want to change (cut down drinking? Drink more safely and responsibly? Stop drinking?), why they want to make that change, and how they want to go about doing it.

This caution about ‘help as a sunny side of control’ invites us to ask ourselves some questions!

What are your intentions behind the help you want to give?

Is what you are trying to do purely grounded in the best interest of the client around a change that they are wanting to make, or is it possibly some way that you are trying to impact that outcome and control in a particular direction?

Motivational Interviewing is client center and collaborative. Ultimately, the focus of the MI conversations should be around something the client wants to change that you can support them toward.

An additional resource, for those of you that want to look deeper at this topic, is the podcast Only Trying to Help with Dr. Kate Watson.

Motivational Interviewing Tip of the Week:

As helping professionals, we are in positions of power & influence, which makes it worth checking our intentions when we are helping others. (And for those of us with privilege, even moreso!).  In Motivational Interviewing, helping others grow and change is what it’s all about. We aren’t trying to control them or seek a particular outcome. The outcome we are seeking is the growth and change that person wants to make! We are journeys with them toward that change!

Watch my full video here!