3 Tips for Surviving the Holidays with Motivational Interviewing

I asked my 12-year-old daughter what tips should I send out for ‘surviving the holidays,’ and she said, “Tell them to drink more wine.” 

It’s wild the messages one of that age already has about escaping hard things through vices!

There is something better (although harder) than reaching for a vice. (And let’s be honest, sometimes a ‘vice’ is more of a ‘tool,’ and can be helpful in a pinch).

It’s adjusting your attitude and expectations. 

Motivational Interviewing invites us into looking at what we can control: our own attitude and how we approach others. The spirit of Motivational Interviewing invites us into compassion, acceptance, empathy, and evocation. Retaining the spirit of Motivational Interviewing with friends and family can be MORE challenging than with clients. It’s harder because we are more directly impacted, and we have more of a vested interest in what friends and family are doing.

So let’s look at how we can use the spirit of Motivational Interviewing as a way of making it through the holidays with loved ones in a more peaceful way:

1. Compassion 1st. Sure, your first thought might be that someone is being ridiculous, selfish, or annoying…what might it be like to invite yourself to consider that this person just might be doing the best that they can at this moment? Usually, when I swap this thought out for my instinctual judgmental thoughts, I instantly feel softer toward that person. Compassion means positive regard. Sometimes it is sad when ____(fill in the blank with how the other is acting)____ is the best they can be doing at this moment. This usually leads me to #2…

 

2. Stop going to the hardware store for a loaf of bread. Tell me, would you go to the hardware store for a loaf of bread? No! You would just be setting yourself up for frustration and wasted time. If I am expecting someone to be different than they are, then I am setting myself up for resentment. What might it be like to lean into the spirit of acceptance? Of that person, at this moment, doing that thing?
    
   
3. Oxygen Mask folks. I know, it’s a worn-out metaphor from riding on an airplane and remembering to put the mask on yourself before helping a child or someone in need of assistance. Because if you pass out before you can help them, then what good is that?! So take care of you! Step away, get some exercise, fresh air, a soothing cup of tea, reach out to a friend or safe person, pray or meditate— do what works for YOU.

And here is my caveat: sometimes people need to be called out! Sometimes they need to be called in! It is normal to have expectations of others and boundaries when others violate those expectations. Take care of yourself this holiday season! Be safe, and see you in the New Year!

Motivational Interviewing Tip of the Week: The invitation this week is to take care of you, so that you can tap into compassion for others and adjust your expectations. Things shift when you move from angry judgment to considering they just might be doing the best they can. Let me know how it goes!

Watch my full video here!