I hear from training participants all of the time how useful reflective listening is!! One shared, “Today was such a good reminder that when I’m getting pulled into trying to change a client, to sit back and reflect.”
You may have heard me say, “When in doubt, REFLECT!”
It sounds so simple! But that dang Righting Reflex (or Advice Monster, as I write about here!) entangles us time and time again.
So we find ourselves arguing for change, our clients argue against it, and there we are, wrestling again.
Wrestling makes us tired, and we usually don’t win anyhow.
But there is a solution!
Sit back & stop trying to solve a problem or make something happen.
Reflect.
I can’t tell you how many times I’ve felt stuck with a client, & fallen back to just reflecting. Then the good stuff begins to happen.
Reflecting reminds me the dilemma is theirs anyhow– my job is to be there with them while exploring what they want to do about it.
In Motivational Interviewing, we name both Simple Reflections & Complex Reflections. A simple reflection is a same level restatement of what the client said. A complex reflection adds meaning or emphasis to what the client has said. Complex reflections bring the conversation deeper, as we reflect what the client means but has not yet said.
In either case, a reflection is like holding a mirror up to the client so they can hear themselves speak.
Motivational Interviewing Tip of the Week: When in doubt, reflect! I invite you to practice this week! What is the client saying? Reflect that. What do they mean, beneath the surface? Reflect that. Complex reflections are guesses, don’t worry too much about getting it right or wrong- your client will let you know!
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