The Barbie Movie & How to Prevent Mansplaining with Motivational Interviewing

I was talking with a local psychiatrist recently. Small talk ensued, and the new Barbie movie came up. 

He shared that he was recently talking with his 30 year old daughter about the movie, as he asked her to explain the term “mansplaining.” He had never heard the term. (Insert my best poker face…what?!? Never heard the term??…and ok not to shame anyone, if you haven’t heard the term, I popped a definition in at the bottom)

He defended, “I probably mansplain, but what am I supposed to do differently?” 

My Fixing Reflex sprang to life, and I nearly blurted out, “Be curious and ask them what they already know before you mansplain to them!” DUH. 

But he wasn’t really curious about what to do differently. I have learned in general not to convince people of differing opinions who aren’t open to dialogue.  

The problem is, many of us are trained to be experts. 

Experts stand firm in the belief that they know more than others on a topic. 

Experts are told they need to share their expertise with others, and that other less-knowledgeable people are interested in hearing their knowledge. 

Experts are taught their job is to impart this information whenever given the opportunity.

The problem with expert driven care is that when it comes to ambivalence and behavior change, learning expert information isn’t usually the solution to change.

We can hedge toward the Mansplaining Trap when we aren’t curious about what the other person already knows. And lawd knows those of us with privilege- male and/or white, we have been trained to think highly of ourselves and our opinions!

There is a simple solution to avoiding mansplaining. (Motivational Interviewing calls it the Expert Trap).

Ask first.

Why? 

1. It saves you the time and energy of explaining something they may already know
2. It prevents you from alienating them in the process
3. It encourages them to participate in the conversation (and the underlying message is, “I’m curious about your thoughts!”)
4. And, it also acknowledges their experience and wisdom, drawing them in to a collaborative conversation

When we are stuck in the expert role, we miss SO MUCH! Motivational Interviewing invites us into a different way of being with people, a different way of conversing. 

We flip the expert upside down and recognize that the other person we are talking to has expertise! They are in fact experts in their own lives! 

Our primary job isn’t to educate and fix, it’s to listen and collaborate. 

I was recently on a call with a new MI trainer, and he said, “My marriage could have benefitted from me knowing MI many years ago.” 

Folks, we KNOW that when we approach relationships and conversations with others from an attitude of humility, curiosity, partnership and empathy, it just goes better!

Motivational Interviewing Tip of the Week: When you find yourself wanting to explain something to a client, check these two things first: 1. Did they ask for that information? 2. Have you asked them what they already know about it first? If the answer is yes, then proceed with sharing! Remember, when we use Motivational Interviewing, we are identifying that there are two experts in the room, the client AND you!

For those of you new to the word, Mansplaining is a pejorative term meaning “for a man to comment on or explain something, to a woman, in a condescending, overconfident, and often inaccurate or oversimplified manner.”  Author Rebecca Solnit ascribed the phenomenon to a combination of “overconfidence and cluelessness”. Lily Rothman, of The Atlantic, defined it as “explaining without regard to the fact that the explainee knows more than the explainer, often done by a man to a woman”.

Watch my full video here!