I had such a fantastic first live virtual training session recently! One participant shared at the end of the first class, “Today was such a good reminder that when I’m getting pulled into trying to change a client, to sit back and reflect.”
If you have attended my training, you may have heard me say, “When in doubt, REFLECT!”
Sounds so simple. But that dang Righting Reflex entangles us time and time again (you know, the reflex you have to tell people what to do and how to do it). So we find ourselves arguing for change, our clients argue against it, and there we are, wrestling again.
Wrestling makes us tired, and we usually don’t win anyhow. But there is a solution! Sit back, stop trying to solve a problem or make something happen. Reflect, and watch client engagement bloom. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve felt stuck with a client, fallen back to just reflecting, and then the client leans forward, locks eyes, and says “EXACTLY.” And I know it’s on.
In Motivational Interviewing, we name both Simple Reflections & Complex Reflections. A simple reflection is a same level restatement of what the client said. A complex reflection adds meaning or emphasis to what the client has said. Complex reflections bring the conversation deeper, as we reflect what the client means but has not yet said.
Carl Rogers brought us the art of reflective listening. And good reflective listening IS an art! It takes practice!
I have made a free Motivational Interviewing Complex Reflections handout, which you will receive when you join my email community. (I’m having way too much fun in Canva creating things!). I put the types of complex reflections in order of my most favorite to the most complicated ones to use (I always caution people about using Amplification & Minimization! And you really gotta know where you are going when you use Coming Alongside!). One training participant recently named how much he loves the value based complex reflections, and spoke to the overlap between MI and Acceptance & Commitment Therapy (ACT). Good stuff!
So I invite you to practice this week! When in doubt, reflect! If you are interested in joining my free private Motivational Interviewing facebook group, where I share regular resources, tips and topics, join here!
