My Client is Lying to Me… how does Motivational Interviewing approach this dilemma?
I’ve been asked that question often by training participants, frustrated by clients not telling the truth.
So let me ask you this… what causes you to lie? What causes you to withhold some portion of the truth, or make something up?
Is it protection? Is the relationship not safe enough to fully share? Are you afraid of the consequences of sharing the truth, not yet ready to face them? What else might cause you to lie?
Lying is protective.
If we look at lying behavior as protection, as a reflection of the discord in the therapeutic relationship, that invites us to look at our part in that relationship.
What is set up in the dynamics of this relationship where it doesn’t feel safe for your client to tell you the truth?
So here are some tips!
- Don’t confront your client! Don’t say, “You are lying to me!” Confrontation generally fuels the fire of protection and defensiveness and douses connection, trust, and empathy.
- Acknowledge their need to protect themselves. Perhaps more trust needs to be developed! Perhaps you need to better earn their trust. How can you more effectively connect & engage with this client? You may reflect, “You aren’t yet ready to share more about this,” “There are parts of this dilemma that you aren’t comfortable talking about yet.” Get curious about what might help them feel more comfortable to talk!
- I’m here for you when you are ready. That’s the message we want to send. How can you keep the door open so that when client readiness arises, they want to come back to you to talk?
One more thought– Perhaps the system you work in is set up so clients don’t feel safe enough to tell you the truth. I see this come up especially when I train folks who work in probation, child welfare, or other mandated services. How can you acknowledge the conflict of interests at the times when clients perceive sharing the truth could hurt them? How can you work collaboratively to address barriers to sharing the truth that is needed to cultivate real change?
I’d be curious about ways you cope with scenarios where clients aren’t (yet) telling the truth?
Motivational Interviewing Tip of the Week: If you sense (or know) that a client is lying to you, this is an invitation to get curious about why that might be. What factors contributing to this do you as a provider have control over? How can you better engage with this client and cultivate an environment where it is safe to talk about the truth?
