When someone comes to you for help, it’s pretty darn natural to give advice.
In Motivational Interviewing, The Righting Reflex refers to our natural tendency to give advice, persuade or convince another person to change.
It’s like a “Fix It” reflex. And I sure have a strong one.
Michael Bungay Stanier calls it our Advice Monster! I love it!
When someone is struggling with a dilemma, my Advice Monster wakes up and jumps in with lots of ideas for them!
I came across this awesome podcast interview on Brene Brown’s Dare to Lead podcast with author Michael Bungay Stanier. He’s the author of The Advice Trap: Be Humble, Stay Curious, and Change the Way You Lead Forever, as well as a couple of other books.
Stanier echos much of what we talk about in Motivational Interviewing related to the Righting Reflex.
We tend to jump into advice giving because we’ve been trained to do that, we care & want to help! It comes from a good place!
But…
-We might be solving the wrong problem
-Our advice isn’t as good as we think it is (we have so many cognitive biases…)
-There can be a negative impact on the other person when we take over by giving advice
What is more helpful is to hold the space for them to figure it out.
Get curious with them.
MI would add to this the importance of providing reflections, because as people speak, they become more committed to what they are giving voice to!
Here is the link to the full podcast if you’d like to listen!
Motivational Interviewing Tip of the Week: When you notice that itch to jump in, and your Advice Monster awakens, see if that monster is willing to step back for just a bit. Get curious with your client (or friend or family member!), and elicit their thoughts and ideas first. There is a place for advice, but only after we get curious, learn more, and see if they can come to it on their own! Then they feel that awesome sense of accomplishment!
