How Motivational Interviewing Works: The Spirit of Acceptance

This is part 3 in a series of 4 ‘deeper dives’ into the spirit of Motivational Interviewing. 

Just what is the spirit of Motivational Interviewing? The spirit of MI is the attitude we bring to the work with our clients. It’s about our heart-set and mindset as providers. 

When we look at how Motivational Interviewing works, it all begins with the spirit.

As a reminder, here are the four components of the spirit of Motivational Interviewing:

And here’s what we know, from research and from experience: the attitude, heart-set and mindset of the provider (YOU) impacts client outcomes. Our attitude impacts the feel of the session, the experience your client has with you, & the progress a client can make.

Acceptance is about honoring the absolute worth of each individual, honoring their autonomy and right to choose.

The new MI book defines the spirit element of acceptance as, 

As much as we may tend toward the “carrot or stick” as motivation, true motivation comes from within.

Acceptance facilitates change.

Think about it. If you are caught up in shame, or fears about what another thinks of you, 

Acceptance in human psychology is a person’s assent to the reality of a situation, recognizing a process or condition (often a negative or uncomfortable situation) without attempting to change it or protest it.

I asked my recent advanced MI course to define acceptance. Here is what they came up with:

“Acceptance doesn’t mean agreement, it means not judging.”

“It means each client is worthy and unique. They don’t have to earn that.”

When we are working with a client, we have an inner experience of acceptance. 

What does acceptance feel like in our body and in our mind? It feels like curiosity, empathy, and an inner recognition that we are not the expert of another person, nor can we force change. It means finding ways to stay out of judgment. It means a feeling of peace, and compassion and desire to understand. Feeling relaxed and open.

What does it look like to relay acceptance of others?

Empathetic & reflective listening, eye contact, being curious about their experience and motivations. It means withholding judgment. It looks like providing affirmations…  It also can look like leaning in, giving more contact, nodding, smiling, and open body language.

What gets in the way of accepting my clients? My fixing reflex! Differing political viewpoints or difficulty validating social views that aren’t ours. Acceptance is also hard when a client is not changing. “I can feel it in the back of my neck when I’m not accepting,” one participant shared.

What helps us return and reground into the spirit of acceptance? Recognizing we are more alike than not alike, that every individual is whole, remembering acceptance is not agreement, and be with the person right now. One participant shared, “It helps to remind myself that if I don’t accept my client and where they are, it’s not helpful to them.” “Breathe, take a moment to reflect, acknowledge my struggle with acceptance and then let it go.”

Each of us has an internal experience of acceptance for our clients. We also have an outward expression of acceptance.

In my advanced MI class, we are taking a deeper dive into the inner experience and outward expression of each of the elements of the spirit of MI. 

I wanted to share with you the brilliant notes my advanced cohort came up with related to compassion!

Inner experience: Curiousity, Empathic listening, Eye to eye contact, personalizing the patient’s experience, Each client is worth it- they already earn it and they are all unique

Gets in the way- righting reflex gets in the way.

Acceptance isn’t my agreement but I don’t judge them. 

Outer- is affirmation and reflection. “I am not the expert of this person” Withholding judgement. 

What gets in the way? Political viewpoints, validating social views that aren’t ours is hard. Shifting back the conversation,  Difficulty in accepting the non-movement positions.

Motivational Interviewing Tip of the Week: How does Motivational Interviewing work? It begins to work, first and foremost, with YOUR heart-set and mindset. Embodying the spirit of acceptance is a good first step. How do you do this?

Watch my full video here!